Saturday, February 13, 2016

Canada Jokes! (Issue #109)

February 1978

Transcribe the cover!
White-and-Red guy says, "You can't stop me, X-Men! WEAPON ALPHA always gets his man!"

Caption: Wanted: Wolverine Dead Or Alive!

"He's a cowboy. On a steel horse he riiiides. He's want-ted... by a Canadian!" -- a song by the famous Canadian singer, Jon Bon Jov-eh?)

PS - that's ABOOT as good as the jokes are going to get, in this recap, so STRAP IN FOR LAFFS!!

(Spelling it "laffs" wasn't another Canadian joke, just an indication that words don't mean anything, anymore. And THAT's the flowerpot stringbean math cup!)


Our Men of X are back from saving the universe from... a deadly crystal, I guess? [See Last Issue --Ed] To celebrate, each X goes their separate ways, ostensibly to relax.

How does Ororo unwind? Well, since this series is still being written by Chris Claremont, like this:

Late-night CinemaX-Men!

Scott learns that Alex (his brother) and Lorna (his brother's significant other) have gone off to Moira MacTaggart's Island Of Science ("Where The Mutant Science Happens!(TM)) for some ... alone time. (My eyebrows are waggling SO HARD, right now!) Well, actually, that "alone time" includes helping out Jamie Maddrox (who I still can't figure out if he's THE Jamie Maddrox, or just A Jamie Maddrox) clean up the Science Island. Quite a "date", Alex!

In other dating news: Nightcrawler is off to see Star Wars... with a dame! Or, since he's German, should I same "damme"? Or should I say "Krieg der Sterne"?! German jokes, Canadian jokes... I'm totes international in this post! Someone make me one of those instant coffees... someone like... JEAN LUC!

Before he leaves, though, Kurt "Nightcrawler" "Vonnegut" Wagner "Vagner" talks to Scott "Cyclops" Summers about some deep stuff... like accepting themselves as who they are - freaky mutants - and being OK with it. PAY ATTENTION, EVERYONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME IN HIGH SCHOOL!!

Jean Grey, meanwhile, is out in the yard telling her parents that she died in space and is now Phoenix. It seems to be going over well.

Wolverine is heading out to do some hunting in the woods. He is not carrying a gun, so I'm guessing he's doing some SNIKT-hunting.

Sean, Moira MacTaggart, Colossus, and Ororo (done with her naked flying, for now) are off to have a picnic.

And that's how everyone relaxes... it's all very exciting.

That was a lie, it's not very exciting, but it's about to be, because EVIL CANADIANS are hunting Wolverine, looking to capture him and bring him back to Canada. There are worse fates. Except, that Weapon A (Weapon, eh?) is trying to convince him to come back, using only his fists. But Wolverine likes it in Westchester (the Canada of New York State) so he's not going back!

Lenin was known for headbutting trees, so it's natural for Collosus to make that mistake.

Wolvie and Captain Eh-merica's fight interrupts the other's swim-time, so everyone decides to get in on the action. Look. Wolverine will never learn to stick up for himself if you all keep bailing him out of fights. Boys will be boys!

Now that all the picnicking X-Men have joined the fray, Weapon Alpha runs away, but vows to be back... and bring Alpha Flight with him!

Years before Funko, Weapon Alpha turned himself into a POP!

I think I know the name "Alpha Flight" from the cover of another comic (that comic being "Alpha Flight"), but I can't say I could name another member of the team. Though, if they are Canadian, let me guess: Weapon Prime Minister, Weapon Tim Horton, Weapon Looney, Weapon Safe To Leave Your Doors Unlocked At Night, and Weapon The Nicer Part Of Niagara Falls. CANADA JOKES!

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