Tuesday, December 4, 2012

En-Cyclops-pedia (Issue #45)

ISSUE #45
JUDGE THE COVER!
Apparently, we're in for a Cyclops-centric story, here, by the looks of things. But, how can he be "featured" (as the cover claims) if he's already a featured / main character? If I'm allowed to make a rapper analogy (and why shouldn't I?!), wouldn't that be like The Wu-Tang Clan [SHAOLIN REPRUHZENT! (I'm from Staten Island, I'm allowed to say that, for some reason)] putting, oh, I dunno, The Rza as a "(feat.)" artist on the liner notes [Liner notes?! Ugh. Good modern-day reference, there, old man Somogyi]. "Protect Ya Neck - Wu-Tang Clan (feat. Ole Dirty B*stard)" (censored, because it's the version sold in Walmart - righteous condemnation of Walmart and their policies! Boom!).  And THAT is what this X-Men comic is all about!

SUMMARY!
Last issue, we followed the crazy exploits of Angel [which, ever since I watched a season or two of Dexter have pronounced the Cuban way, "An-HELL" for no apparent reason other than TV has broken my brain]. Remember: He was flying across the ocean in search of The Avengers, so he can bring them back to help free the X-Men and defeat Magneto.

In THIS issue, we jump back in time, LOST-style, to see what Scott "Cyclops" Summers was doing while Angel was fighting a Red Raven. Well, firstly, he uses his eyebeams to break free of the shackles that bind him, even though Magneto swears he designed these shackles specifically to prevent such a thing. Freed at last [or, well, "after a couple of uncomfortable minutes", I guess], he goes looking for the others. [Not "The Others". Just the others. Y'know, the X-Mens. I didn't want you getting confused because I made a LOST reference, earlier. Sorted? Good.]

Inherited? I think you use that word incorrectly. (Either that or
there is something Professor X isn't telling
us ... OR  Darwin is spinning in his grave. Your choice, writers.)

And, despite her being held behind a WOOD door, he just leaves her there, unconscious, to continue his search for the other others. [Again! NOT LOST - though I think this issue is starting to GET lost in itself a bit! A-Zing!]

Cyclops' OTHER Mutant power?
To climb stairs in ways that no human ever could.

He doesn't find any x-others, but does manage to run afoul of Quicksilver and his hair.

Was going to make a "How long does THAT
take you to style, in the morning, Quicksilver?!"
jibe, but realized he's super-fast, so it probably takes him no time at all.
His other mutant power is to ruin my obvious jokes. Jerk.
I wonder if they ever address Quicksilver's hairstyle? Probably in the 90's once things started getting all "meta" and "self-referential" and "grunge" and "President Clinton" and "wrap sandwiches" and "me graduating from college".

The rest of the issue is essentially a battle between the two of them. It resolves with Cyclops knocking out Quicksilver... which is EXACTLY the moment that the Avengers appear and are like, "Who's this guy knocking out one of our ex-members?!" [because Quicksilver was an A-Venger for a while there, don't forget ... or, rather, know for the first time, since you, like me, probably never knew that.] Things are tense, but then Hawkeye says, "Awk-WARD!" in the way that you do, and makes things even more awkward.

All the loose ends and questions will be tied up and answered in the finale of this story [unlike the finale of LOST, which tied / answered NOTHING! [honestly, what is my LOST obsession, today? WAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!]]

Oh! And that finale is in The Avengers #53, not X-Men #46. If you jump to X-Men #46, you're gonna miss some great stuff. Maybe. I don't really remember. Let's find out together, next blog post! [Which is happening on another blog! Cross over! - Nah, just kidding. No other blog would post this stuff. I've cornered the market!]

ORIGIN B.S.
Just in case you were all ready to leave, HOLD ON! There is a bit more of that yawn-worthy origin stuff about Iceman!

So ... Cyclops comes to break Bobby out of jail, but Bobby says he's gonna stay because he knows he's innocent and a fair trial will prove it. Cyke says, "That sounds like a plan!" and then beaks Bobby out against his will, causing the townsfolk to think he's escaping and reacting to that news by sending out a lynch mob after him. I think it is clear, by now, that Professor X's recruitment solution to getting me X-Members is to set them up to be on the run from the law! Not cool! [Clever, and effective, but not cool!]