Monday, August 12, 2013

Death Comes To Mutant Town (Issue #95)

October 1975
JUDGE THE COVER!

It might be too small to read, but the "BURST" on the cover says:
NOT A HOAX !
NOT A DREAM!

THIS ISSUE

AN X-MAN

DIES!
Shall we place bets? Since I've seen all but ONE of these mutants in a movie, I know who I'd put MY money on. But no spoilers! (Until, you know, later, when I spoil it for you.)

The cover also says: "YOU MUST READ WARHUNT!"
Is this like when your friend tells you "You MUST listen to Mumford & Sons!"? Because I ain't buyin' it! And if I choose to read it, it's not because of anything YOU said, cover, but the fact that I have, somehow, dedicated my life to reading all of these comics, anyway. Fate vs determinism.


SUMMARY!

We pick up where we left off, last issue, with all the X-Mans plummeting to their certain death, after having their airplane shot out from under them by missiles launched by the evil Count Nefaria. Turns out, falling from a deadly height is not a good look for Cyclops:

To add insult to injury, Cyclops managed to,
somehow, slip on a banana, while falling.


Though, I doubt anyone looks their best, finding themselves suddenly in free-fall. They are so high up that there is time for them to have a conversation (despite the noise of the wind which is surely drowning out their words?!). In this mile-high chit-chat, we learn that Kurt Von Nightcrawler is a tragic victim of physics:

Speedy Thing Goes In, Speedy Thing Comes Out.
(There will be cake. BAMF cake.)

A) Let's see how long it takes this series to break / retcon that rule. 2) Physics is important in this instance ... except for the aforementioned wind noise that would prohibit a conversation?! III) Two of the other mutants can fly, so this is all moot. Moot-ant.

Storm and Banshee slow the descent of of the others ... except for Colossus, who just "Deep Impacts" himself! (Yes, that movie is now a verb.) Kaboom. "I'm ok!"

Regrouping, Cyclops tells Nightcrawler to teleport into Count Nefaria's base and we get our first-ever BAMF!

HISTORY IS MADE!
It's as exciting as seeing Ross and Rachel kiss for the first time!
Or, you know, something sports related and manly.

Seems to ME like Kurt just blindly BAMF'd into a place where he was not sure he could BAMF. I thought he couldn't do that? Is that something I know from the comics, or the movies? Ugh, I feel like Booker DeWitt, trying to keep so many timelines straight in my head. Is my nose bleeding?

Dissonance aside, Kurt DOES BAMF into the mountain fortress and pops the hatch, so the other X-Men can come pouring in - and just in time, because Count Nefaria's half-man, half-animal, all-fun henchmen, the Ani-Men, show up and are like, "You guys wanna fight?" (Except that they say it with their fists and it's not really a question.)

Futzer?! I love it!
I say we all adopt it and usher in a kinder,
gentler era of swearing!
"Frackin' Futzer!"

If you've been following my blog, you're probably anticipating the X-Men losing this fight and being captured. Yet, they actually WIN and head off to find Nefaria.

ADVERTISING ASIDE!

Here is an ad from the comic book:

Ummmm... this was inappropriate, even back in 1975, yes?
Simpler times!


BACK TO THE SUMMARY!

Did I mention that Nefaria has set the base to self destruct? And did I mention that his plan was to launch all of our nuclear missiles unless every country pays him a ransom? Hmmm. Probably should have mentioned that earlier. Whoops!

But, those facts are also moot-ant, because a giant floating head of Xavier shows up to tell Cyclops that they broke the doomsday device while they were fighting with the Ani-Men.

"Thank you for yelling at me about something I
had no idea happened! You continue to
be a kind father figure to me, a poor
orphan who craves fatherly love."

The last loose-end is to find and capture Count Nefaria. The team catches up to him JUST as he jumps in his get-away jet. Thunderbird - whose power seems to be super pig headedness - jumps onto the jet just before take-off and starts tearing it apart with his bare hands!

It sounds like a good idea until the jet explodes, killing Count Nefaria and John Proudstar. Grim.

A bleak and all-too-real sentiment. It truly is a more adult comic, now.
Not, like, an ADULT comic, with the porn and nude ... but, oh you know what I mean.

FIN.

Is it just me, or does it seem like less seems to happen in each of the issues of the new series? I guess that means more action, so there's less for me to describe? I can appreciate the amount of story in the silver age comics, but I certainly like this "second genesis" more. Faster-paced and full of psudo-cursing and death! Futzin-A!