Friday, March 22, 2013

SUNtinels! (Issue #59)

JUDGE THE COVER! 
Sure looks like that ruby quartz visor - you know, the only thing holding back Scott's killer eye beams - is held on by a single, flimsy piece of wire! How safe is that?! We've never noticed, because that detail is always hidden under his hood, but now it's on display for all to see. The thinness of that cord worries me.

Though, I guess I've never seen anyone's Croakies break, and those things are pretty thin.

Though, I don't normally stay near anyone wearing Croakies for too long. (They tend to start talking about hiking and lighthouses.)


SUMMARY! 
If you have not read the last couple of recaps, this one is probably not going to make much sense. Though, that can probably be said at the start of every recap. Does it even matter? You're just here for the jokes, right, and not a cohesive dissertation and summary of the narrative of these comics? God, I hope not, because I certainly am not delivering that at all! Should I start saying "therefore" and "as the data reveals" more often? Raise the level of discourse? Anyway, read the last one, at least, or what I'm about to say next will have you being all "Huh? Who?!"

So, judge Chalmers ("Huh? Who?!") explains to Larry Trask that he (Larry) was clairvoyant as a child. That's why his dad made him wear that mutant-blocking medallion: To stop him from being clairvoyant  Because clairvoyance is a gift that you certainly don't want to have access to. "Oh, this goose lays golden eggs?! Kill it, it's a freak!!!"

Meanwhile, The Sentinels continue their mission of rounding up all the mutants. Even the crap ones, apparently:

Did the robots really have to add "easy" to that? Just denigrating. 


Breaking into The Sentinels mountain fortress, the X-Men free Toad, The Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver, then do a costume swap with them.

That's Jean and Scott, not brother-and-sister Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.
(So their sexual tension is WAY less weird.)


The thought behind this is that they'll trick The Sentinels into expecting different powers (the robots adapt their attacks to confront different mutants), so that they'll mis-adapt themselves. It works and the 'bots are defeated!

After that, it's all just a bunch of fighting. Well drawn fighting. Though maybe still a bit over-the-top on some of the expressions. But it's beautiful stuff.

K-K-K-K-KOMBO BREAKER!


So, thanks, Neal Adams, for continuing to "bring it" to the X-Men run! (Too bad your days are numbered! [this is not a threat! The series is REAL close to being cancelled, at this point.])

During the battle, judge Chalmers is accidentally injured while freeing Havok. The Sentinels FREAK OUT!

Why do The Sentinels even have articulated mouths?


See, these Sentinels, unlike the first batch, really do want to protect humans and humanity. They are murdering robots with hearts of gold. Jumping on this "weakness" for wanting to save humanity (weak fools!), Cyclops uses his mutant powers of logic to convince The Sentinels that if they REALLY want to protect humans, then they have to protect humans from becoming mutants. And what causes punctuated mutations? Well, according to The Sentinels, it's the sun! En masse, every last robot-jack of them rocket off to destroy the sun.

The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace,
where Sentinels are built into Helium, at a temperature of millions of degrees!


It is presumed that they all boil away into nothingness in the heat of our home star. Problem solved! Though, wouldn't it be great if, in a few issues, the sun just goes out and Scott is like, "Ah, crap..." Boy would HE feel foolish!

Then Alex explodes because he has stored up too much energy:



But he's OK, just in need of a doctor. So, the last couple frames are of a shadowy doctor talking to Scott on the phone ... while a crucified man apparently dies. Yeah, it's creepy:

"No. No need to bring your own crucifix, I have one he
can use. Yes. $30 co-pay? Fine. See you soon!"


Imma go ahead and "call it" as the end of this story ark, since The Sentinels are sunspots now. (Look, astronomers, I know what sunspots are, please don't write in. It was just a joke.) [There's a Sentinel Spot on the sun today ... it's the same old Sentinel as yes-ter-day ... (and then, at this point, I'll invariably start singing "King Of Suede", instead, because that song had more of an impact on my childhood than the original.)]





READ IT YOURSELF!
Follow along by picking up X-Men - Volume 2 Omnibus (Marvel Omnibus)!