Monday, March 4, 2013

Plot Holes (Issue #55)


JUDGE THE COVER!
Uhhhh...

Uuuuuummmmmm...

The only joke I got is something like: "C'mere and give auntie mutant a hug!"?
I know. Pathetic, right?

WAIT! WAIT! How about: "Ho Ho Ho, Greeeeeeeen Mutant!"?
Not much better?

OK OK OK! What about: "Can you spot the Christ figure in this picture?"
Meh. Not funny AND possibly sacrilegious. Let's imagine I just said nothing, ok?

SUMMARY!
You may remember that, at the end of the last issue, Cyclops ran afoul of The Living Pharaoh. This story picks up, from there, with Scott getting knocked out by same. The Living Pharaoh boxes up Scott (literally) and loads him and Alex (who is hidden inside a sarcophagus) onto a commercial flight back to his secret base in Egypt. See? We DO need those back-scatter-field x-ray TSA scanners: To find hidden mutants!

With Jean's newfound bloodhound powers, the X-Men are quickly on their trail, tracking the brothers Summers down. The gang hops in their mutant aeroplane, but they are shot down over the ocean by T.L.P. who, somehow, hangs out of the side of the plane and shoots them. It's weird. (But don't worry, they made a safe and successful water landing - or a "Sully", if you will. [Crosses finger that that joke is both still topical and NOT "too soon"].)

Once T.L.P. and co land, they dump Scott into an ancient burial chamber, literally:

See, this is why I hate blind-box toys! You always wind
up with ANOTHER  "alternative head" cyclops.


Oh! and his secret base looks like THIS, by the way:

Yep. Who would ever think to look for a pharaoh in a pyramid?
Now T.L.P can reveal why he went through such pains to capture Scott and Alex. It is ... so that they can die in Egypt, as is befitting of a mutant ...? [I'm sensing some hasty re-writes on the part of Roy Thomas, who has just returned to the X-Men and found the series in shambles, after the last two issues.] And what kind of death "befits a mutant-born"?


Me-BLAAAAAARGH-ow!
(Drunk cat)
Yep, being drowned in a chamber filled with water is THE choice for a proud mutant death. With his head wrapped up and Alex locked in a sarcophagus, Scott has only one recourse. Use his wrapped-up head to bash open the sarcophagus. I am not making this up:

Now THAT'S what I call ... USING YOUR ... face?

Calling, specifically, for an Excedrin, Scott reveals that he has an endorsement deal and getting paid for product placement. This is not the first time the X-Men have dropped an Excedrin reference. Was Excedrin new, back then? Or was it common parlance to use it as a generic word for "aspirin", in the same way we would use "Xerox" or "Google" today? (In place of taking an aspirin, I mean. "I had a headache, but then I took a Xerox.")

Alex unbinds Cyclops eyes and they start kicking ancient Egyptian ass, Osiris style! ("Osiris II: Something Sphinx in Egypt"!) The rest of the gang, having repaired their water-bound craft, arrive to help polish off the remaining goons. Just as The Living Pharaoh is about to smite them all with his power ankh [this blog makes me say silly things], Alex Summers strikes him down with ... sonic waves!

Throw your hands in the air...
and shoot sonic waves like you just don't care!

That he is revealed to be a mutant is supposed to be shocking to us ... but, didn't we already know this? Especially since him being mutant-born is why T.L.P. captured him - and why he was going to be drowned in the cat-mouth water-death chamber? He was supposed to be the mutant sacrifice that would elevate T.L.P. to some greater level of being, or something. [Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yeah, that's Pharoah-roah-roah your boat's {I'm sorry} big plan.]

But lets talk about that, for a second: So, Pharaoh Fawcett was going to knife Alex back in NYC, but got thwarted. So, when he captures both Alex AND Cyclops, he instead packages them up and brings them to Egypt ... where he was going to drown them both. Is he just really bad at sacrificing people, or what? Stick the knife in: Done! Stop faffin' about with it!

Anyway, the story portion of this blog post ended a few paragraphs back, so I guess we're done here.
To be continued!

CRUMMY ORIGIN BOLOGNA: ANGEL!
Warren Worthington III, having sprouted wings, decides to become a vigilante. This attracts the attention of the X-Men. We are left wondering how this is all going to settle out! Does he join the X-Men? Or start a career showing of up in people's vacation pictures and/or toast? ANGELS, huh?!





READ IT YOURSELF!
Follow along by picking up X-Men - Volume 2 Omnibus (Marvel Omnibus)!