Friday, March 29, 2013

Fred Savage Land (Issue #62)

Everyone's favorite cave man is back! (Outside of Fred Flintstone. And Barney Rubble. And Captain Caveman. And the Teenage Caveman from "I Was A Teenage Caveman". And Link from "Encino Man" [YES, I know his name without IMDB'ing it, why is that so strange?!])

A quick look at my post from the last time this guy appeared, I see I actually liked that issue. Reason: Dinosaurs. NOT, you will note, Ka-Zar. So it's a toss-up!

The scene opens in Tiera del Fuego [lit trans.: Land of Fugs] with our X-Men searching for Dr. Dayton "Sauron" Lykos. (Remember, he jumped off a cliff, rather than hug the woman he loves. SURE that hug could have killed her because of his power-draining mutation, but, still ... extreme intimacy avoidance!)

During the search, Angel runs into some pteranodons and tries to fight them, but flying lizards prove too much for him and he is knocked out. He falls ... a LOT and winds up in a kind of "land of the lost". A cyborg frog and his master, "The Creator", discover his body and pronounce him dead:

Ribbet Robot.
Cyborg Forg.

But they still bring him back to their lab, because The Creator thinks he can bring him back, or something.

The rest of the X-Men find their way to to the jungle under Antarctica and run into Ka-zar (pronounced Kay-sar). Somewhere between his last appearance in the X-Men [issue #10! -Ed.] and this one, he went to finishing school, because he's lost his Tarzan-speak manner of talking. Full sentences! Me great happy about new speaking ways for Ka-zar!

The reunion is short ... and filled with punches, because Iceman can't help but shoot his mouth (and his ice) off.

He's the man, the man with the icy touch. An ice-spider's touch!

But the K-Man has places to do and people to be, so he thanks them for their unwarranted attack and scarpers off. Like mutant puppies, the X-Men follow him. And when they see Ka-zar attack some other Savage-Landians, they blindly join in, fighting alongside on Ka-zar's side. Huh! I mean, they don't really know this guy, except for one brief encounter over 50 issues ago, and they just jump in to help him pummel some other strangers? A bit rash, on their part. What would Professor X say?! (Probably "Help! Help! Let me out of this coffin!" because he is dead. [Sometimes the old jokes are the best jokes.])

Back at this "The Creator" fellow's lab, he's managed to resuscitate Angel. And while he was out, The Creator also knitted him a new costume. Because that is what you do with prisoners: Give them new clothes! [Actually, wait ... I guess it technically IS, what you do, right? Every prisoner gets a new orange jumpsuit. "Go to jail and get a new costume!" (Worst marketing slogan for prisons).]

I had that flying dream again. Typical.

The Creator says, in not so many words, that he's like a Savage Land version of Professor X and not a criminal like Ka-Zar would have everyone believe. Since I have not read the decades of Ka-Zar comics that paint that cave man as a noble, savage hero, I'm willing to give this "The Creator" the benefit of the doubt. [Take THAT empirical evidence!] Note that The Creator is ALSO a cripple, just like Professor X! TWINSIES! The similarities are uncanny ... Uncanny X-MEN! (?)

Angel, thankful that The Creator saved his life, is all, "That's messed up that Ka-Zar wants to kill you. Without really knowing much about you, I'll defend you with my life!" and flies off to have a bit of a chat with his team mates.

Once Angel is gone, The Creator gets all mustache-twisty and reveals that he is ...

Magneto is a Silver Fox!


I'll tell yah, this reveal took me by surprise. I may even have gasped a bit. DON'T JUDGE ME! I mean, it's not like I even COULD have guessed. Further: Why WOULD I have even been trying TO guess?

Still, it was a pleasant surprise.

Follow along by picking up X-Men - Volume 2 Omnibus (Marvel Omnibus)!