Thursday, February 21, 2013

Daddy Issues (Issue #51)

After last issue's reveal that Magneto is still alive and that Lorna Dane is his daughter, one would think that the cover of the follow-up issue would make some allusion to Magneto coming back. Or anything related to the issue at all!

Look over there --->

Would you get the impression that we're going to be treated to something even more awesome? Something with flames! And a bearded guy who can shoot lava from his finger-holes, wears a horned hat, and casts a CAT SHADOW!

Nope! Having read this issue from cover to cover, there is no mention of such an awesome dude. It's really, really bizarre. Maybe they just had an extra cover sitting around? Or maybe the office boy delivered the wrong cover to the printer? That kid is such a mess-up, why don't they fire him?

Fight fight fight! This story is 90% fight, and that is awesome. Sample scene:

In the ultimate upset, Magneto edges out "rats", for the number 1 spot.

I'll point out the small "story" bits and leave out most of the play-by play. [Trust me, there is nothing less interesting than some mid-thirties blogger typing a description of a comic book fight ... unless it's your friend trying to describe why a scene in a sitcom that he saw was so funny. [So...So...So, THEN, Balki picks up the sheep and is like, 'Don't be ridiculous!' why aren't you laughing?]]

What you need to know is this:
Bobby saves Lorna from being caught in the middle of the battle, because he is sweet on her. Well... one would hope that he'd save anyone who is about to be caught between two highly destructive mutant forces ... but we'll never know. Naturally, as is the law with any group of guys, when one of them is making progress with a lady, the others have to give him crap for it:

Icicle Blocked!
Not cool, Beast. NOT COOL!

In the end, Magneto, Mesmero, Mesmero's army, and all the other mutants who have been called to Mutant City[TM] by Mesmero's Mutant-Calling Ray (NOT kidding!) are just too much for our plucky band of heroes. To get away and live to fight another day, they do what all of us do when in a difficult situation: They bring the building down on everyone.

Raze high the roof-beam, Cyclopentor.

With every bad person in the world trapped in that building, the Men d'X steal one of Magneto's rockets and fly home. The twist ending is that Magneto reports it as stolen and the X-Men are pulled over and arrested for Grand Theft Rocket.

Lorna stays behind to see if she can help Magneto out from under the rubble because she is confused about who to ally herself with. Does she choose the good guys or her dad?! [I wish I'd ever had to make this decision. Thanks, Dad, for not being an international jewel thief! Though, HE should be thanking ME, because I'll rat him out in a heartbeat. My dad is #1 on MY Rat List!{Just kidding, dad! Please keep sending me money!}]

Back at the temporary base in California [oh, yeah ... the X-Men have a temporary base in California! Why? To be near the BEACH, duh!], Cyke tells Bobby that he has to take a break from the X-Men because "He's too close to this one!" Crossing Jordan then shows up an is all, "You think you're too close?! Look at this!" and then proceeds to get too close to something.

Gentlemen! There's no FIGHTING in the X-Men!

See, Scott is worried that, during a fight, Bobby might hesitate and put everyone in danger because of his feelings for Lorna. (His in-the-pants feelings.) Bobby tells Scott to get stuffed and walks out on the group never to returnuntilnextissue.

Then some dude named Erik The Red appears in the desert.

Someone must've accidentally dropped a white
sock in his red wash!
More like "Erik The  PINK"!

Hank and his parents are captured by El Conquistador (heh). Meanwhile, Professor X uses Cerebro to track down Beast ... which is weird because I was there (at least, I was reading the comic) when the prof introduced Cerebro to the group, and it was way after these events. Maybe they mean Cyberno?! (Which was the predecessor for Cerebro, natch!)

Wow. I think I have out-nerded this comic book.
Get a life!