Friday, April 27, 2012

I? I Am POWER! (Issue #17 and #18)


After having just decided that the X-Men should remain a secret, The Professor (or Stan Lee?!) decides to have a change of heart and let's everyone keep their memories of the X-Men's role in saving the world from the scourge of the Sentinels. What a difference ... an hour (in comic book time) makes, huh?

In the aftermath of the raid on the Sentinel factory, everyone is pretty beat up, but Iceman is in a coma. While at the hospital, Angel checks the X-answering service only to learn that his parents - the Worthingtons - are on their way to visit the school. Angel quickly flies home so he can hide his ... er ... X-stuff in the bottom drawer where his mom won't find it, but he sees that someone has broken in.

I guess after the threat of The Juggernaut passed, they figured they didn't need those fences anymore? Though, with the kinds of supernatural people the X-Men face, most mutants wouldn't really be put off by a fence. Especially that Toad fella. Hop. Hop. So I take it back. I take it ALL back! Don't worry about fences. Fences also keep people in. Be free.

Anyhoo ... Angel is knocked out when he flies into a mirror thinking that it is more hallway. (Angel is more like a bird than he'll ever admit and, from now on, Xavier vows to hang tinfoil balls in front of all plate glass surfaces for the kid's sake.)

Later that day, Cyclops and The Professor head to the mansion where the The Professor is neutralized with a brain-hose thing and Cyclops is beaten up in the dark.

Later still, Beast and Jean are told that Iceman's condition is critical and they should contact his parents. Instead of using the white courtesy phone in the hospital, they leap out a window.


They're headed for the mansion where they, too, are captured in short order.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Bobby is mumbling delirious things in his sleep. It is so worrying that the doctor immediately orders a "Sulfa Drug" be administered.

No idea what that is, but knowing the 60s, it's either atomic,
Valium-based, or LSD. Probably all three.

It'll either save his life or give him the trip of his life.

Now that all the X-Men are unconscious, it's a perfect time for the mysterious invader to load them all up into a metal sphere attached to a balloon and launch it. If being launched into space doesn't kill them, then running out of air inside the sphere will. OR, if the balloon pops, they'll plummet to their deaths. It's really the easiest solution to killing the X-Men, if you think about doing it in any other way but, say, directly. Like with an axe. Axe-Men.

The Worthington parents arrive at the mansion and are downright puzzled that no one came out to greet their car as it pulls into the drive. Remember: These people are rich and are used to that kind of treatment, one supposes. (Who knows WHAT the rich expect anymore! Are there any limits to the debauched demands of the 1%?! Golden parachutes, bathtubs filled with diamonds, and someone to meet them at their car. Disgusting!) So, anyway, they find they have to - ugh - ring the doorbell ... with their FINGER! Warren Worthington Jr does NOT like ringing dirty doorbellsHOLYCRAPIT'SMAGNETO (breathe) ANDHE'SBACKFROMSPACE!!!!

Smash cut to black: LOST.


Whoa. It's the first time that Jack Kirby's name is not in the credits in any way, shape, or form! Does he come back? Was this it for "KirbLee" (the cute tabloid-esque portmanteau name I gave to the union of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby) (this shortening also works with Spike Lee and "Curb Your Enthusiasm").


Let me just say that I love this:

Now you're playing with power... MAGNETO POWER!

I should answer with "I? I am POWER!" more often.
"Hi! I have an appointment to see the dentist at 9:30?"
"Sure, your name?"
"I?! I AM POWER! ... but you'll find my appointment under "Jeff" and if we can please hurry this along, my tooth is in a lot of pain."

As you remember, because I JUST told you, all of the X-Men are headed toward space in a metal balloon and their only hope is an in-coma Iceman. Thankfully, the doctor is able to stabilize him with a laser-injection of Sulfa Drugs, because Professor X calls out to him for help telling him "Don't think, just follow my commands" - and the X-Men are NOT a cult, you say?

So now it's up to Iceman to defeat Magneto alone, so he goes about pestering the villain so he cannot complete his plans, which include using the Worthingtons as genetic stock to breed an army of super mutants. (Sounds sexier than it is, as the Worthingtons are both asleep in separate beds when all this "breeding" is going on.) But once Magneto discovers his plans are being thwarted, look out! He will grin REAL creepy-like at you!

Do you like my helmet? I got it at Cutman's estate sale.

Weakest? Really? This dude can create anything from ice (you need an ice ladder? BAM! An ice slide? BAM! An ice Emeril? BAM!) If anyone's the weakest it's Angel, right? Right? Are you all with me on this? Am I crazy? Delirious? Do I need a Sulfa injection via laser hypo?

Anyway, it's not like the others really needed Iceman's help, because they all wake up in the metal balloon and ask Cyke to punch a tiny hole in the balloon with his vision and he's all, "Sure", so he does and they descend to Earth just fine. Once there, Professor Xavier sends the rest of the X-Men to occupy Magneto. (#OccupyMagnetoSt) [SECOND 1%er joke made in this post. I SWEAR I'm not trying to be political! BAN THE BOMB!] Their interference buys Prof Ecks vs Sever enough time to reach out, reach out and touch someone ... 's mind. ("You're not dealing with AT&T", the space operator said. So I said, "Well I am now!" and hung up!) [Neither of these slogans / commercials have aired in years, but I'm expecting you all have a similar encyclopaedic knowledge of late 80's phone companies as I do, right?]

Colonel Sanders Space Kitten to the rescue!

Yep. He placed a mind-call (only 10 cents a minute!) to good ole The Stranger (who I feel I'm really getting to know and understand, despite his efforts to push us away with his stand-offish sobriquet). Not shown: The Stranger chasing Magneto as he runs away like a little girl. (And I don't mean that I'VE not shown it - it wasn't shown in the book, either. Though I personally pictured Magneto making "woopwoopwoop" noises a la Curly Howard while "Saxophobia" plays at double-speed. Benny Hill, Curly Howard, RIP.)

But let's not NOT end the issue on gender-equal footing!

"Maybe Mrs. Worthington will help you with the dishes, Jean!
Eh? Won't THAT be a treat for you?!" --Every man in this scene

In the next issue teaser, we are promised a NEW type of foe, a NEW type of story, and a NEW type of action! Can't wait. This better blow my effing mind.

Want to read along? This story are covered in X-Men Volume 2 (Marvel Masterworks)